Mom flew home today, but before she left I took her to mass at Our Lady of Guadalupe here in Sacramento. As we sat in the pews between masses, each lost in our own prayers, I saw her crying. She wouldn't tell me what her tears were for, I can only imagine.
As we were driving to the airport, it occurred to me how alone in this fight she must feel. Her husband is caught up in his own head, is barely able to understand what is going on when he sits in on her appointments.
Her daughter lives at home, but hardly has time for her.
This is a pivotal time in her disease. She has seen three doctors, and only one of them wants to proceed with a new CT scan or if she can get it covered by insurance, a PET scan. The other two doctors want to wait, but waiting would mean letting the cancer spread even further before attempting to treat it.
I am so worried for her. If she can't get support from the people she lives with, can she generate enough hope and support on her own to carry her through? I can only do so much from a distance, can only see so much from way up here, but from her demeanor while she was here with me, I gathered that being at home was lonely and depressing. Those are the things that will speed up her decline, but I can't force anyone to stop putting themselves ahead of her when she needs them the most.
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